25 August 2005

and because they're all very relentless, these oddities...

and Monday, Yet Another Strange encounter with my past.

this guy blared his horn and peeled around a car to miss a red light and nearly hit me on my bicycle at Bloor and Bathurst.
i frowned, as i am wont to do when i'm on my bicycle and drivers are bastards, until staring at the driver as he veered by i realized he's someone i knew in an odd context from THIRTEEN years ago.

what with all of this hearkening back and in this case baffling and none-too-apparent nostalgia, i decided to heed Barker's words and google all manner of nominal variations that represented my good self in days now gone. just to see.

and it's true. nary a reference.

i guess that's as good an argument as any against nostalgia.
and in favour of succinctifying names or adopting personas.


kim said...

what do you mean by, "adopting personas" and how does this CoNtRaSt with Nostalgia, and this seems to be an ongoing theme, nostalgia, that is, what do you see in your wake that consumes you, or are you simply still digesting certain things?

steflenk said...

what do i see in my wake? a good question. at the moment i'm trying to get rid of my wake to figure out what i see ahead of me for a change.

it's Really very liberating, as a person Addicted to Nostalgia, to realize that Nostalgia can be dormant and heavy and keep new things from happening.
like too many books you've already read, won't read again, and are keeping around and weighing down your floors for some undefined purpose.

re: adopting personas, i don't know. i'm a big fan of creative acts. and when the only forum i have for an "audience" of sorts is my direct environment (ie. i don't show stuff in galleries really, i don't stand on a stage, i don't have a publisher)...there is a weird way i'm allowed to be objective of myself if i try to see myself in a "persona-like" context.

i don't actually think i'm one big false manufacturing of myself in that sense of a persona (people may and are welcome to argue this, but i think mostly i'm true to myself instead of the image people tend to impose on me)

but i do try to step back sometimes and see myself in a somewhat objective way...through Someone elses' eyes, so to speak.
and all that i can come up with, when i ignore the inner ponderings in favour of what i see from the outside, is a persona.

am i happy with that persona? who knows. i definitely don't think it is a perfect reflection of what's going on inside and i would like to see outside in the world.
but all in good time. i do my best.

i think we're all just our Actions.
i think the inner ponderings are interesting, but all that Counts are how we act on them.

kim said...

I thought about this stuff all day today and have even tried to write something a few times. It occured to me that perhaps dancing would be easier. But I just realized that life's greatest challenge for me is to stand firm in the embodiment of my current level of awareness. That seems like liberation. To be a perceptual field/persona that allows me to receive the most and therefore have the most to give. How to stay Open.